Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Milkshakes

Published at January 9, 2010 in Fun and Humor. 4 Comments

Alright folks, let’s talk about milkshakes today. I know, random, right? Well, not completely.

You see, my gorgeous wife Brooklynne has been quoting the magnificent film “There Will Be Blood” all morning. Her favorite line this morning has been “I drink your milkshake. I drink it up!” This made me start thinking about milkshakes, & I’m gonna tell you something people, I like milkshakes. Oh! I do. I do. As I started thinking about milkshakes, I realized I haven’t had one in a while. This makes me very sad because I like milkshakes, which I did already say before. A properly made milkshake is one of the best things in all of Christendom.

“But Sam, what constitutes a properly made milkshake?”

Well, I’ll tell you what constitutes a properly made milkshake.

“Good. Because that’s what I asked you to tell me.”

Ok now, imaginary guy who I’ve created to give a sense of dialogue & playful banter to my post, we can do without your imaginary sarcasm.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your insightful & poignant post about friggin’ milkshakes.”

Hey now! That’s out of line. You know I’ve been a little insecure lately about my blogging. You didn’t have to take it there.

“Now we’re getting somewhere. See Sam, that was an honest & real statement you just made. Thank you for sharing that. There there.”

*sniff* It’s just that I feel so much pressure to write deep & thoughtful posts like I used to. *sniff*

“And where is that pressure coming from Sam?”

I know, I know. It’s coming from myself.

“I’ll tell you what buddy. Why don’t we continue this later?”

*sniff* Buh, buh, but why?

“Well because I’m sure this has gotten very very weird for the people reading this. I mean you started talking & then brought me into it for some laughs, which was a great move, by the way,”

Thanks.

“and then you got real touchy about an obviously playful & harmless comment that I made. Now its gotten really serious & you started the whole thing talking about milkshakes for crying out loud. Not to mention you’re the one typing all this. These people know I don’t really exist & yet you’re having a pretty in depth conversation with me. Do you see why its probably gotten very odd for your readers out there?”

*sniff* *chuckle* *deep breath* Yeah, I guess you’re right. I should probably just tell what makes a proper milkshake, ask them to tell me what their idea of a perfect milkshake is, & then just get outta here. 

“Good call.”

 

A proper milkshake has dutch chocolate ice cream, 2% milk, & a whole lotta malt.

Charlie

Published at December 19, 2009 in Personal Update, Holidays and Humor. 0 Comments

I met the greatest guy yesterday on the train. His name was Charlie & he was about 85 years old. He approached me because he needed some help getting his things on the train. We were both a few minutes early & so we had a few moments to talk before the train came. Now, the first thing you should know about Charlie is that he talked very loudly. Think of someone shouting & then turn it down .0036 notches. That’s about what Charlie’s default volume was. Another thing you should know is that Charlie was compelled to tell everyone person that passed within earshot “Merry Christmas!” He was such a joyful guy. I asked him why he was out today with a bag full of treats & a bouquet of flowers. “I’m going to see a nun,” he said. I told him, no offense, but it might take a little more than candy & flowers to win the lady in this particular case. He thought that was really funny & had a good laugh about it. It just so happened Charlie ended up on the same train as me on our return trip as well. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone as excited to see another person as Charlie got when I shook his hand & said, “hey Charlie!” He stood right up & gave me a big hug & laughed really loudly. He was way, way too happy to see a guy he had only met that morning. But you know me, I soaked it in with relish. He asked me if I could help him off the train when we got to the station which I was more than happy to do. On the train ride in I was able to sit & talk with Charlie for a while. He was just such a breath of fresh air & an amazing embodiment of the Christmas spirit. I was thankful for Charlie yesterday & I hope that we meet again someday. He gave me a fresh dose of Christmas cheer to make it down the stretch until Christmas. Thanks Charlie! Merry Christmas everybody!

Random Things

Published at November 16, 2009 in Personal Update, Church, Fun, Holidays, Spirituality, Music and Humor. 3 Comments

Just wanted to cover a few tidbits of randomness today.

1. It’s time to get back into the habit of posting more often. I’m afraid that the allure of twitter to sum up my thoughts in 140 characters or less just isn’t the same as really having a place to put more important subject matter.

2. At the same time, I don’t feel the burning need to write about hot theological topics as much as I used to. It’s not that I don’t feel passionately about them anymore so much as it is that I feel like it’s just white noise now. It probably was then, too, but I was too arrogant to see that; A. there is nothing new under the sun, & B. I didn’t have it all figured out at age 24 anymore than anyone else ever has it all figured out. So, I may write about theological & spiritual topics from time to time because they are very important to me, but I’ll try my best to make it relevant & not just white noise.

3. I love my job so much!

4. I miss being home during college football season more than any other time.

5. If you are playing Christmas music already, you need to stop it. It isn’t Thanksgiving yet. Public Law 179 category 7 clearly states that;

“Christmas, or holiday, music shall not be played, listened to, bought or sold, be it privately or in the public arena, until such time as Thanksgiving Day of the year in question has reached 12:00 noon CST. At such time, Christmas, or holiday, music may be played, listened to, bought and sold until, but no later than 12:00 noon CST on New Year’s Day of the ensuing year. Anyone accused, tried, & convicted of doing anything other than what is previously stated shall be swiftly & firmly kicked & punched repeatedly & without prejudice by Samuel L. Peters in one of the following areas of his/her own choosing; 1. The shins. 2. The groin (or “balls” as it were) 3. The face, esophagus, and/or clavicle 4. The pancreas or 5. The shoulder blade.”

6. Thank you. That is all.

Homesick

Published at July 14, 2009 in Personal Update, Marriage, Family and Humor. 0 Comments

I’ve never been the homesick type. Maybe I have, but I just didn’t know it. I was born & raised in Arkansas only leaving for a semester during my junior year of high school. I went to undergraduate & graduate school just an hour away from home. I guess since I never actually strayed very far from home, it was impossible for me to feel homesick. Well I’m away now. Far away. I feel it for the first time. My parents will be visiting in a little less than a month & that will be awesome. But I can’t help but realize that it will probably be well into the winter, at least in Boston, before I’m able to visit home again. Darn my family for making me love them so much! Why couldn’t you just be normal, disinterested, half-hearted, guilt-tripping, & annoying people like most people’s families?! Would that have been so hard to do?! Sheesh! It sure would have saved me a lot of heartache & depression. As if that weren’t enough, they also taught me to be grateful & content. I have an amazing wife who is amazing. Yeah, I know I doubled up on the “amazing,” but only because she does. Our dog is happy, healthy, & obedient. We are both employed. Brooklynne is getting a fabulous education. My two jobs are both fulfilling, fun, & financially adequate for our needs. We have some really great friends that we enjoy living life with. Our lives are truly blessed. So now, on top of everything else, I get to feel guilty about feeling bad about not being home! You really did a number on me Mom & Dad. I hope you’re pleased with yourselves.

American Idol Auditions

Published at June 18, 2009 in Personal Update, Fun, Music, TV Shows and Humor. 0 Comments

Last weekend, Brooklynne & I tried out for AI Season 9 in Boston. We waited for about 5 hours in the rain only to be told that we were good, we just aren’t what they’re looking for this year. At first, I was a little upset, but then I saw some of the talent that they were letting through and it all made sense. I mean how often do you see a chubby dude who can sing dancing queen so beautifully. And with pink fairy wings made out of cardboard hanging on his back nonetheless! Anyway, we had a really fun day, actually, just hanging out together and singing. We went on an adventure for the day and thoroughly enjoyed one another’s company. It isn’t often that we get to spend an entire day together like that, and we took full advantage of the opportunity. Now we just have to bide our time until season 10 auditions. Someone should tell AI that they can’t get rid of me so easily. Just ask Spring Sing.