You may have seen this before, but it was new to me, & I found it quite amusing. I have often wondered at the popularity of the song “The 12 days of Christmas.” First of all, it takes forever to sing & the melody is boring at best. Second of all, what the heck is this person thinking with these gifts! Just in case you’ve forgotten the 12 gifts are as follows;
Day 1- A partridge in a pear tree (Unless of course they mean David Cassidy, in which case it makes a lovely gift, but we could still do without the pear tree.) Day 2- Two turtle doves. Day 3- Three French hens. Day 4- Four calling birds. Day 5- Five golden rings (Finally, something that has real value!) Day 6- Six geese “uh” laying. Day 7- Seven swans “uh” swimming. Day 8- Eight maids “uh” milking. Day 9- Nine ladies dancing (Depending upon the type of dancing, this also might be an excellent gift.) Day 10- Ten lords “uh” leaping. Day 11- Eleven pipers piping. Day 12- Twelve drummers drumming.
So, imagine my glee as I read “The 12 Thank You Notes of Christmas.”
Dec. 25
“My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.
Your deeply loving,
Emily”
Dec. 26
“Beloved Edward,
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I’m so touched and grateful!
With undying love, as always,
Emily”
Dec. 27
“My darling Edward,
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It’s a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we’ll find some. Anyway, thank-you so much; they’re lovely.
Your devoted,
Emily”
Dec. 28
“Dearest Edward,
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly - they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect they’ll calm down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I’m very grateful, of course I am.
Love from,
Emily”
Dec. 29
“Dearest Edward,
The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I’m afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants to use the rings to “wring” their necks. Mother has such a sense of humor. This time she’s only joking, I think, but I do know what she means. Still, I love the rings.
Bless you,
Emily”
Dec. 30
“Dear Edward,
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn’t six flipping great geese laying eggs all over the porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them, and they’ve already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but let’s call a halt, shall we?
Love,
Emily”
Dec. 31
“Edward,
I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no more than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish pond. I’d rather not think what’s happened to the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please, please, stop!
Yours,
Emily”
Jan. 1
“Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If so, I’m afraid I don’t find it very amusing.
Emily”
Jan. 2
“Look here, Edward, This has gone far enough. Sending me nine ladies dancing! All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they’re certainly not ladies. The neighborhood just isn’t accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragoes, with nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and its mother and I who get the blame. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behavior at once!
Emily”
Jan. 3
“As I write this letter, 10 disgusting old men are prancing & jumping up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the swans and the cows got at it. And several of them, I have just noticed, are being a nuisance with the milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbors are trying to have us evicted. I shall never speak to you again.
Emily”
Jan. 4
“This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes! The place has now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon to a home for the bewildered. I hope you’re satisfied.”
Jan. 5
“Sir,
Our client, Miss Emily Wilhelm, instructs me to inform you that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire percussion section of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock.
I am, Sir,
Tim Davis
Attorney at law”
